Welcome to Mystics Reading Society!
We’re currently slow-reading When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön, one chapter a week. Subscribe to our newsletter to join the journey.
There’s so much depth and wisdom in each chapter of this book. Each Sunday, I share:
A brief overview of what I think the chapter is about
A personal story it evoked in me
An oracle card to help us expand the chapter’s wisdom
I’d love to hear from you:
What did you think the chapter was about?
What story did it bring up for you?
Did the message in the oracle card speak to you?
Dear Mystic,
This week, we’re reading Chapter 6, Not Causing Harm.
At its core, this chapter is about waiting—feeling the impulse of a moment, noticing the rise of emotions and thoughts, and doing nothing while you stay mindful of what’s happening without judgment. It’s about not reacting immediately so we don’t cause harm to ourselves or others.
I’m not a Buddhist scholar, but I want to be clear for my fellow codependents: “Not causing harm” does not mean avoiding boundaries or staying silent in the face of injustice. It doesn’t mean enabling others or becoming a doormat.
This is the quote that, for me, captures the essence:
“A thoroughly good relationship with ourselves results in being still, which doesn’t mean we don’t run and jump and dance about. It means there’s no compulsiveness. We don’t overwork, overeat, over smoke, overseduce. In short, we begin to stop causing harm.”
—Pema Chödrön
Chödrön explains that not causing harm begins with waiting, moves into mindfulness, and ends with refraining from compulsive aggression toward ourselves or others.
As someone who struggled with alcoholism and got sober 15 years ago—and who’s 99% sure she has ADHD—this chapter hit close to home. For me, refraining from the impulse of each moment has been the work of a lifetime.
I like the framing of “not causing harm” because it reminds me that drinking, lashing out, or acting compulsively are all ways I’ve caused harm. There’s no need for perfection or self-criticism—just another reminder that this is an ongoing journey.
“It’s a transformative experience to simply pause instead of immediately filling up the space. By waiting, we begin to connect with fundamental restlessness as well as fundamental spaciousness.”
—Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart
💫 A Story of Refraining
About 15 years ago, I stood at my kitchen sink, gripping the counter. My only task in that moment was not drinking—and it took everything I had.
All my energy went into feeling the craving and not acting on it. Over and over again.
A year earlier, I’d had my first moment of clarity that my drinking was different from my friends’. One night, two friends came over to hang out. I had one bottle of wine on hand, and I felt restless and anxious—certain we needed more. Even though my friends just wanted to enjoy the evening, I spent the night talking in circles until I convinced them to walk with me to a gas station for two more bottles.
I can still remember the immediate relief when I saw them in my hands—and the look of quiet concern my friends gave each other. Something wasn’t right.
Still, it was another year of drinking before I found myself in a 12-step meeting. And shortly after that, I found myself in my kitchen, that day of not drinking.
That was my first profound experience of refraining. As Chödrön describes, it connected me to both the restlessness and spaciousness of my life.
Restlessness: Who was I without alcohol? Who were my friends? What would I do with all this time I suddenly had? Could I actually do this? I wanted to drink so much!
Spaciousness: The expanse of time that opened up—where I could hike, read, and relax—where the grass was impossibly green—where I could possibly live without the torture of compulsively drinking everyday.
Those first moments of refraining were some of the most chalennging moments of my life, and they also laid the foundation for who I am today. Sobriety is the reason I can write to you now, the reason I have the friends and work I cherish.
This chapter reminded me to keep asking:
Where, today, am I acting compulsively instead of thoughtfully?
Where am I avoiding myself through TV, food, or other distractions?
Where can I find even more spaciousness in my life, even if it makes me feel restless for a while?
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m curious to see where the questions lead.
🔮 Oracle Wisdom
Today I pulled a card from The Rose Oracle by Rebecca Campbell, asking: What else do we need to know about not causing harm?
We received: The Grandmothers — Remember your roots. Perspective. Trust the weavings.
“The rose was here long before you and me, and long before humanity itself. She holds within Her the rememberings of civilizations past, roots that reach back for millions of years and hold the codes of creation. They carry with them the songs of the ancient Grandmothers of the Earth. Can you hear their song?
When this card appears in a spread it's an invitation to reach all the way back to go forward, to reach your roots deep to soar high. The ancient Grandmothers are calling for you to remember the wisdom of your ancestry, long before colonialism severed so much that's sacred; before the rise and fall of empires and entire civilizations, all the way back to the origins of humanity.
They're calling you to play your part in this time of healing. To heal and integrate what you've inherited in your ancestral line. It's not personal; these are changing, healing times that we came here for. To reconnect and reach all the way back to the Original Mother, and to see our role as the ancestors of those who are yet to come. To remain grounded and rooted in your life so that no matter how rocky things get, you always know that you are home.”
—Rebecca Campbell
✨ Mystics in Conversation
Now I’d love to hear from you:
🌀 What stood out to you in this chapter?
📜 Did a quote land deep in your bones?
🌹 Did the oracle message speak to you?
Come share in the comments. Remember, we are not a dogmatic bunch here. It’s okay to disagree. It’s okay to explore.
—Emma
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Hi, I’m Emma! I’m a reader and writer living in Portugal. I created Mystics Reading Society as a welcoming space where books, personal growth, and magic intertwine. Here, we explore transformative reads while creating a supportive community for those walking their own mystical, sovereign path.
If you also love to read cozy books, don’t miss my other bookish newsletter: Sleuth, Hero, Alien—for fans of cozy mysteries, charming sci-fi, and cozy fantasy. Read my latest post: Cozy Books I Read in July
Disclaimer: This blog is a resource guide for educational and informational purposes only and should not take the place of hiring a life coach, a therapist, or of seeking medical attention. No information on this blog creates a coach-client relationship between us. You are fully responsible for the decisions and actions you take in regard to your life and affairs
Oh, this chapter! I have read it at least twice before, as I underlined things in two colors prior to this reading. The passages that landed with you, Emma, also landed with me.
At first, I wasn't feeling good about the fact that I had read these passages more than once before some time ago, and I am still struggling with many of the same tenets a few years later. But the last paragraph was comforting: ...Through meditation...if we see that we have no mindfulness, that we rarely refrain, that we have little well-being, that is not confusion, that is the beginning of clarity." It was good to reflect and honor the progress I have made in mindfulness, and that I am still striving. I also loved on p. 35: ...we're at home in the world because we are at home with ourselves."
I just finished a 3-day event with Rebecca Campbell for Lion's Gate and was tickled you pulled the Grandmother card. It resonated that I am being called to play my part in this time of healing. "To remain grounded and rooted in your life so that no matter how rocky things get, you always know that you are home.” The connection could not be stronger between this chapter and the card you chose!